Saturday, 23 February 2019

My Unplanned Pregnancy.

I was 22, I had just finished my first year of teaching & my life had just begun...
so when I say unplanned is the keyword here - it really is. 

Here is my first blog post of my pregnancy journey - unedited, uncensored & unapologetic. Here's the story of my unplanned pregnancy.




Monday 16th July 2018 - the day I found out God gave me you.


The beginning seems like a good place to start. To cut a very long story short - yes my pregnancy was unplanned, no I was not in a relationship & no the father is not around & nor will he ever be. Now, I'm sure you don't need me to go into the science of how I fell pregnant... but without going into details, I will be the first to admit that although 'it takes two', it was my fault & carelessness that ultimately led me to fall pregnant. *Deep exhale* Now that’s out the way, I guess I’ve really set the scene now haven’t I? 

Skip to the first scene... Asda toilets, lovely. I was expecting my period and as the day drew closer I knew something was different. I had no symptoms, I wasn't even late at this point - but when they say your gut feeling is always right, it is. I planned to wait until I was at least a week or two late but my anxiousness got the better of me. I messaged my friend to meet up after work because I couldn't wait any longer & well... I took the test.

My initially reaction was to laugh, (when I say I laugh at the most inappropriate times - please refer to this). I decided to take 2 test at the same time, I was anticipating the longest 2 minute wait of my life - but it took 10 seconds. 10 seconds for the results to appear... and then I saw it. 2 solid lines appear on both test. They weren't faint, they were clear as day - *cue Sauwei laughing*. I left the cubicle to my concerned friend ask 'was you just sick?', I had gone pale at this point & was in a trance for a while. It took a while to sink in, I kept checking the test to make sure there were really 2 lines or hoped that maybe I was seeing things and the lines would disappear... but there was no denying it - I was pregnant. I messaged both my best friends. 'I'm pregnant' to one & 'where are you' to the other. 

A million and one thoughts were whizzing through my head:

How will my family react?
Panic
I just started my career 
had so much going for me
Crying
I messed my life up
What am I going to do?
I’m not ready to be a Mum
More panicking and crying
This wasn't how things were meant to be

All these thoughts led me to the single most important decision I would ever have to make in my life - Do I continue with this pregnancy? 


Fast forward 7 months - how do I feel about my unplanned pregnancy? I won’t lie & I won’t sugarcoat anything. There are good days & there are bad days, really bad days. At 36 weeks pregnant I’m still unsure about how I feel if I’m honest. As you can imagine, I felt every possible emotion, the first being numbness; followed by fear. There are days (more like hours if I'm really honest), where it overwhelms me & there are days I take it all in my stride. 






Lots of Love


xx


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1 comment

  1. I definitely loved every little bit of it. I have you bookmarked your site to check out the new stuff you post. Kids' Party Supplies

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